One of the first things I will be addressing as I begin implementing new things into our home journey is the subject of Rhythm. -- and a raw honest approach to creating a daily Rhythm and weekly Rhythm.
There's so much to say about this subject and it can get overwhelming... I think the natural tendency is to say that children need a "schedule" and that it's helpful to keep one in order to keep peace.
HOWEVER, the methodology of Rhtytm is about the natural flow of the day not a checklist schedule.
It's like a heartbeat, a song, filled with inhale's and exhales giving space for breathing... grace and mistakes.
Where a schedule might act as a check list to get you to bedtime with your sanity slightly still in one piece, a rhythm is the flow of your family culture.
Like rushing water ebbing and flowing, always making time to slow and move gently around a rock---finding a resting place in a small pool... then moved again by a gentle wind.
In later blog post I will talk about family culture and how to do that create a tight grace filled "container" to hold the values and gifting of your family. But for now, lets talk about RHYTHM!
I always chose to wear my children while they were infants up until about the age of two. For a toddler, it seems it can get you in and out of the grocery store more effectively.
However, in the very early stages of infancy it was about illustrating the very breath of life and my hearts Rhythm.
My babies were constantly strapped to my chest in a soft comfortable wrap, because I was teaching them about my heart and how it beats... it was here I believe they learned the "sound of life".
There is no other sound more comforting to a young baby than the sound of it's mother's heartbeat.
I can still remember the sound of my aunt Caroline's heartbeat when she would pull me out of the swimming pool in the summer, wrap me in a warm towel and lay me on her chest... i remember the sound of her voice while listening to her conversate with my sweet mother sitting nearby. That is powerful for a little mind.
I was the only one in our family to wear my children in the very very stages of life- not grandmothers not grandfathers but just me... because of the resposibitly I felt to pull them in and keep them close to their own mother's heart.
It may sound silly and over the top...but I believe just as learning to crawl is a pattern needed for reading and writing development later in life-- the pattern of a mother's heartbeat is the first most important rhythm a child should learn in developing a sense of belonging and love-- long before they read or write.
The birth of our first son was an incredibly peaceful water birth, and I experienced the need of a few wonderful nurses after he was born to help with some clotting issues that were very painful. My arms were empty for a few moments after the birth, and my husband wrapped our son in a blanket with him laying on his bare chest.
If he could not hear my heartbeat, then he was going to hear my husbands. This was so important to us and we shared in the privilege when a need arose.
Now years later with 2 very active toddlers, I go back to the notion of this beautiful rhythmic sound I offered them faithfully for so many months... and although our oldest still ask to listen to my heart beat-- I have found that there is yet another need to fill: Rhythm and the heartbeat of our home.
It's where the mother's heart beats outside her chest... Rhythm is breath for your family.
Now for the practical application on how this can work.
I have found that if I start small I can actually make strong moves forward that last and are most effective for the culture of my home.
The following 4 principles are where we begin with setting Rhythm, and each day has four simple goals:
1. eating
2. sleeping
3. free play
4. fresh air
I find that if I get lost somehow in the mix of the day these four guiding principles re-ground me.
I then take those 4 principles and watch how the normal flow and needs of my children are displayed. When are they hungry when do they play best? When do they need to rest? When do the toddler meltdowns start? When do I need to rest?
When I began evaluating the patterns I began noticing the "inhale and exhales" of my children's day. I have learned that in every "inhale" which represents a dedicated "pulling in" where I give our children my undivided attention, there is a need for an "exhale" directly after.
An "Inhale" or "drawing in" is a time of drawing, painting, crafting together, sitting down as a family to eat together- it is an intentional moment or action where I am actively engaged with my children face to face. Inhales are the priceless moments in the Rhythm of our day that offer us the incredible moment of "Exhale".
Exhales are when you step back and let them go... breathing out.
Free play, running, fresh air... and indoor play.
For toddlers and young preschool children they will need to be in a visual eyeshot of you, but they will play independently. This is your exhale as well, you may take a moment to put the soup in the pot or sip a cup of tea but it's a free moment for you to just be.
The Inhale moments of rhythm show our children "i am here for you" I love you-- we are in this thing together...
The exhale moments are earned in every inhale. When your children are pulled in constantly to you all day-- they are not able to breathe out effectively.
This was my rookie mistake in being a first time mom. I felt like my son had to have all of my attention, all of the time. and this just isn't so.
It was 'Inhale inhale inhale inhale inhale..." all day long. He really just needed an "exhale" and so did I!
From this knowledge, along with the help of many many wise Waldorf methods in priceless books, I began to map out my family's daily rhythm.
The following is what we "breathe" to... I have added some time frames in here in case you are a recovering schedule addict to help establish how it works!
We are still working out the dynamic of our weekly Rhythm for spring with the warm weather on and off again each day, but here is a constant snap shot of our day's.
DAILY RHYTHM
- waking up-- I usually wake up before any one else to have me time... pray, yoga, a warm cup of coffee or tea. Throw a load of laundry in the wash, map out dinner... I get a head of every one and am grounded.
- A beautiful goal is 5:45 am to make it across the street to yoga or barre at 6 am. Most of the time I arrive home by 7 and everyone is still asleep!! It's wonderful!
- 7:15 ish breakfast, we sit down together and eat ;) (inhale)
- 8 am clean up and dish washing.
- dish washing always leads to free play!
- 9:30 outdoor play is ideal (exhale)
- 10:30 transition inside for snack time, tea, and a story (inhale)
- 11:00 free play indoors (exhale)
- 11:45 lunch and dishes (inhale)
- 12:45 Nap and quiet time (exhale)
- 2:30 ish snack and lots of hugs, back rubs for the babes to gently re-enter play time (inhale)
- 3:00 ish Walk or outdoor free play! (exhale)
- 4:00 dinner prep with toddler helpers (inhale)
- 5:00 ish we eat! We sit together say a blessing, light a candle and eat! (inhale)
- 5:30 clean up and free play in the den (exhale)
- 6:30 a sleepy time snack (inhale)
- 7:00 bath, brush teeth,
- 7:45 prayers/ book reading and lights out! (exhale)
I will elaborate more on Rhythm in detail in the following post:
- What does a weekly Rhythm look like?
- What does breakfast look like?
- Why snacks? and what Snacks?
- Do you ever leave your house?!! are you crazy?!!
- A candle and a blessing at dinner?
- How to integrate clean up time with even the youngest toddler?
- A simple dinner plan that works for every week... NO Guessing.
- What's the point of all the wooden toys?
- What about TV during the day?
I pray that this has been super helpful and not overwhelming or frustrating!! Remember just take one step at a time and I promise a more peaceful home!
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